Hot, cold, thin crust, deep dish, extra cheese, pepperoni ― Americans love pizza and have strong opinions about it.

From the pineapple debate to the “is pizza a vegetable?” phenomenon, there’s no shortage of pizza-themed discussions to be had. The beloved Italian dish also offers many opportunities for humor.

In honor of National Pizza Day on Saturday, we’ve rounded up 44 hilarious tweets about pizza. Buon appetito!

Me: Well, it’s late, I’m going to go to bed

Leftover pizza in my fridge: Lol but are you

— maura quint (@behindyourback) August 2, 2018

Them: You need to listen to your body more.

Body: You’re old. And you want pizza.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 12, 2019

if I order pizza again this week may god strike me dead

[god strikes me]

[I’m dying]

quick I don’t have long put the pizza to my lips

— Yes, I Like Wine Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 7, 2018

Someone is bringing me pizza this is what getting flowers must feel like

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) January 7, 2018

Doctor: Where does it hurt?

Me: *points to empty pizza box*

— moody monday (@mdob11) May 30, 2014

FYI: pizza will never break your heart or tell you your bangs are crooked

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) August 27, 2012

People who don’t eat the pizza crust:

1. Why do you do that

2. Can I have it

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) March 25, 2015

This elevator smells like pizza at 9:30am and it makes me wonder if someone else is living a better life than me.

— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) January 17, 2018

I’m going to wear a skin-clearing face mask while eating a whole cheese pizza. I really hope they cancel each other out.

— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) April 4, 2018

*while mindlessly, slowly eating an entire pizza* I don’t know what to have for dinner

— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 4, 2018

me at 17: someone please come over i hate being alone

me at 23: leave the pizza at the front door then knock and go away

— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) January 26, 2019

Wife: Do you mind if we have pizza two nights in a row?

Me: Will you marry me again?

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 24, 2018

There are plenty of fish in the sea but I want pizza.

— Carbosly (@Carbosly) January 14, 2019

I react to seeing a pizza the way most women react when they see a baby. It makes me want another one of my own.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) June 10, 2018

I think I need to eat a pizza. Just like an entire pizza.

— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) January 19, 2018

porn is so unrealistic who would have sex while the pizza was getting cold so stupid

— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) August 31, 2012

Dominoes is one marketing campaign away from just bringing you a pizza every morning unless you call to stop them first.

— maura quint (@behindyourback) November 1, 2014

I was going to save the rest of this pizza for later and not eat it right now but then I remembered that’s not really who I am as a person.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 16, 2017

I asked my 1-year-old if she wanted pizza.

She nodded so hard she fell over.

So, yes, I’m sure she’s mine.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2017


HR: What are your strengths?

Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*

HR: Wow-Weaknesses?

Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*

— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) April 13, 2016

Before you join a meal kit delivery service read this:

Pizza comes to your house already cooked.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 30, 2018

a dating app but it’s pizza instead of men and i choose my perfect pizza and then someone brings it directly to me oh hey wait a minute

— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) August 16, 2018

You know the last scene in Dirty Dancing? I just recreated it with a piece of pizza

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 16, 2012

My love language is: decide I have a crush on someone, never speak to them, get mad at them for not picking up on my nonexistent vibes, end crush, eat entire domino’s pizza, repeat

— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) April 8, 2018

Me: I want to be heathy but I don’t want to cook

Brain: Have a carrot

Me: Ugh you have to peel them

Brain: Have an apple




Brain: You just bite right-

Me, already on the phone: I’d like a pizza

Brain: !!!


— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 8, 2018

Me: Are we having pizza tonight?@jeanniegaffigan : We agreed we were going to have leftovers.

Me: Right. (beat) But pizza might be a nice treat for the kids. End of the week…

Jeannie: We agreed we dont want them to eat crap.



Me: So. should I order pizza?

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) May 11, 2018

I told my 4-year-old we aren’t having pizza today

She fell to the ground like she’d been shot

Honestly, that was the appropriate response.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2016

I ordered pizza for me and my buddy and when I took the first bite after it got delivered I meant to say “this is just what the doctor ordered” but instead I said “this is just what I ordered”

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) January 27, 2019

Monday: That’s it; I’m off dairy.

Tuesday: There’s no dairy in crème fraîche, right?

Wednesday: Umm, yes, I’ll have the six-cheese pizza, please.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) August 22, 2018

Started thinking I want a baby and then I ate a slice of pizza and it literally went away

— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) June 22, 2018

I have come to realize that at some point in the day, I will order and consume a pizza so it might as well be in the morning

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 13, 2015

8YR OLD: dad, can we get pizza for dinner tonight?

ME: aw sweetie, I’m sorry…I had pizza for lunch

8: you think I give a damn what you had for lunch?

— Andy H. (@AndyAsAdjective) April 11, 2018

*puts on romantic music*

*lights candles*

*scatters pizza bagels all over the bed*

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 5, 2015

I ate roughly three pieces of pizza.

The fourth I ate rather gently.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) March 3, 2018

My 8yo just called the delivery guy his “pizza angel” and now if you’ll please excuse me I need to go register a trademark.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 21, 2018

Pizza’s here guys! I shout to the empty house.

A single tear runs down the delivery man’s face. He knows.

— Deirdre (@figgled) October 15, 2015

I don’t drown my sorrows, I smother them (with pizza)

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 18, 2013

Friend: Hey I see you smiling at your phone. Who is she?

Me: {quickly closing out a Pizza Hut order confirmation email} Oh, just some girl.

— Seth (@djsethlowery) August 16, 2016

A woman walked into the gym wearing workout clothes & carrying a full-sized pizza box.

I think I just found my new personal trainer.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 13, 2019

Nothing tastes as good as pizza feels.

— Emily Nussbaum (@emilynussbaum) August 7, 2018

I will never forgive Steve Jobs for leaving this earth before making it possible to download pizza.

— caprice crane (@capricecrane) June 17, 2012

When you walk into a loud bar, the bouncer should check for ID but also if you’d rather just have pizza & call it a night

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 11, 2015